NEW YORK — On Facebook, I’m connected to a lot of people who are not my friends. Over the years, as my Facebook friend list grows, it’s made me increasingly uncomfortable that I seem to know so much about people that I don’t actually know.
So as the new year approached, I
decided to review my Facebook life. I took a four-week break — a
“Facebook Fast” — from the world’s biggest online social network.
What
did I learn? After eight years on the network, I rely on it for
pictures and news of faraway friends and relatives. I can’t quit. Like
it or not, Facebook is an important part of my life.
Facebook Inc.
is in the midst of trying to make its privacy policies more intuitive
for users. It has added a little padlock icon at the top right of the
website. When you click on it, Facebook walks you through how to change
who sees what you post, who can contact you and how to review what
others are writing about you.
But there are more steps for remaking
the network so it’s less a tabloid feed of unwanted updates and more a
warmer, personal space that better reflects your real-life social
circle.
CUT BACK
I used to keep Facebook open on my work
computer, checking in periodically throughout the day. I relied on the
Facebook app on my phone to entertain me whenever I was waiting in line or riding in a taxi. I would also log in at home. It was overkill. I check Facebook less often now. The goal: Read less and write more.
First, I disabled the app on my phone. I
also enabled email notifications for whenever someone sends me a
message, tags me in a photo, or posts on my profile or in one of my
groups. If someone’s trying to get in touch with me, I still want to
know and be able to respond. Because I get the notifications, I don’t
need to keep Facebook open at work or check on it constantly at home.
To
get those notifications: Click on the wheel icon at the top right
corner of Facebook and choose “privacy settings” on the menu that pops
up. Then click on “notifications” on the left. Then, you can edit what
Facebook sends you over email — as well as via texts and phone alerts.
RESTRICT ACCESS
I
hate it when people send me personal messages by broadcasting it on my
profile page, or timeline, for everyone to see. I’d rather that person
send me an email or a private Facebook message that I alone could see.
But many people still insist on posting such messages on my timeline
anyway.
To address that, I effectively turned off my timeline.
Someone can still post on it, but I’ve adjusted the settings so that
person and I are the only ones who can see that note. I can still
publicly share things that I want seen broadly. To make these
adjustments, choose “privacy settings” under the wheel again. Then click
on “timeline and tagging” on the left.
Facebook alerts me when
somebody else has attached my name to a post or picture, and I need to
approve it before others can see it. The settings for this are found
under the same “timeline and tagging” page. Turn on reviews for posts
you’ve been tagged in.
FRIENDS OR ‘FRIENDS’?
My news
feed — the stream of friends’ links, photos and life comments — was too
cluttered with information about people I didn’t know anymore.
De-friending people seems rude and aggressive to me (although it may be a
good idea down the road as decades of friends pile up).
Without severely paring down your friend list, here’s how to get Facebook to show you only what you want to see: —
Determine who shows up more on your news feed. When you’re on your
timeline page, click on “friends” at the top, near your profile picture,
to see a list of all of your friends. Each person has a “friends”
button next to his or her picture. To see more of that person’s posts,
choose “close friends.” To see less, click “acquaintances.” Friends
won’t know that you’ve sorted them this way. You can also do this by
hovering over the name of the person posting on your timeline. A box
will pop up with the person’s profile picture and the same “friends”
button.
— To tweak what kind of updates you get from each friend,
click “settings” under the same “friends” button. You can choose to see
only updates on major life events and pictures, for example, while
ignoring updates about their comments and likes on other people’s posts.
— If specific posts in your news feed annoy you, you can hide them.
Hover over the top right corner of the post, click on the box that pops
up, and choose “hide...” That will remove the post from your news feed,
although you will still get future updates from that person.
— You
can also cut off all updates from a friend. After hiding a specific post
in your timeline by that person, click “change what updates you get
from...” Under the drop-down menu that comes up, click “unsubscribe.” You can also ignore a person’s Facebook activity by unchecking “show in news feed,” under the same menu that lets you sort friends into close friends and acquaintances.
SMALLER CIRCLES
One
of the great benefits of Facebook is that it helps you keep in touch
with a handful of people who have a shared interest. Hundreds of
Facebook friends don’t need to see the intimate interactions I have with
a few closer friends. So I created private spheres for smaller circles —
smaller than the lists Facebook automatically generates based on your school information, hometown and employer.
I created such a group with three friends — one from England, one from France and one from Los Angeles — I had spent several days with in a small town while on vacation. The four of us use that to post silly photos of ourselves from the trip and write each other personal updates. That spares everyone else from having to hear about the next time we’re going to see each other.
To
set up a group, go to your news feed by clicking on “home” up top. Then
click “create group,” which is on the left of the page, in the “groups”
section. I typed in the three friends to add and chose to make the group “secret,” which means only members of the group can see that it even exists. I also
get notifications from Facebook whenever anyone posts to the group. You
can turn those on from the “notifications” page under the wheel icon.
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