As I inch closer and closer to senior citizen status, I am constantly “Looking for Mr. or Mrs. Good Print”! I am always encouraging my readers to take up the torch, so to speak, and try their hands at opinion writing.
It is well known that most Gantt Report columns are about economics and/or politics. However, in my two most recent books, I Talked About The Beast and Beast Too: Dead Man Writing, there are sections with multiple columns about romance.
In that regard, it was no surprise that when my great friend Hermese Osbourne stepped up to the plate to share her views, her comments would be about relationships.
I often say, “I’m an easy guy,” which means to me that I’m easy to talk to, easy to please, easy to work with, etc. Well, Hermese thinks otherwise about me and other men that she knows. Her comments are below. Go get ’em, Hermese:
“The male of the species! Short ones, tall ones, fine ones, kind ones. There are all kinds but there are no easy ones. There are those who say no, no matter what you ask, and then there are those who will say yes to all of the same requests, whether they feel like it or not. They may be acquiescent, but they are not easy.
“Where we make our mistake sometimes is asking for something we know they don’t feel like and then expecting their best. We won’t get it and we know it. Take hugs, for instance. If you ask a man for a hug and he agrees but stands with his hands at his sides, forget it. He doesn’t really feel like hugging.
“He agreed because he cares, but his heart wasn’t in it. Men don’t do well when their hearts aren’t in compliance. They may love you, very much so, but they have trouble making their hands follow their heart. There is nothing worse than lying next to a man who has decided that his mind
doesn’t feel like your request. He and his heart will be the furthest things from your body. You may as well get up and go write a book.
“He means no harm. He is just preoccupied. He could even be thinking about how to earn your next trinket. Just forget about the hug, love the man and go to sleep. You are going to need the rest for when he needs a hug. They may love you to distraction but they are not easy.
“Most women, on the other hand, have had to learn how to be easy. We can be fussy, tired, fat or thin. We have learned that if we want to keep that man and keep him happy, we must learn to be agreeable.
“We have learned that whether it is a grown man or a man-child, they want us to be in agreement with them. Compromise is usually our best bet. We must be honestly able to say that we agree. So, as long as it is something that won’t kill us, we agree and we are able to act wholeheartedly on that agreement.
“It is the same no matter what the relationship — friends, spouses, male children and fathers. They adore us and we love them. But they are not easy.”
Well said, Hermese.
If I can add a thought or two, I would say the phrase “It takes two to tango” is applicable in most relations. No individual, no couple, no relationship and no marriage is perfect. The relations that work have partners that work together.
All good people can really give each other is their best. When you feel that you are not loved, helped, supported, missed, understood or something, you have to make the decision to stick around or move on.
Sometimes a person’s best may not be good enough for you.
Don’t ever rush. Relationships will be what you think they will be — what the relating partners say and show that the relationship is.
Time will answer any relationship questions.
Lucius Gantt is a consultant based in Tallahassee. He may be reached at allworldconsultants.net
Photo: Lucius Gantt