heart-logo_web.pngDear Dr. Monique
My girlfriend likes to go the strip clubs and think it’s all in good fun. I am Christian and I don’t think it is a decent way of having “fun.” She calls me boring. How can I meet her halfway?
Meet Halfway

Dear Mr. Meet Halfway,
I do admire the fact that you are trying to meet your girlfriend half way and that you seem to recognize the importance of compromise in a relationship. That being said there are some issues which have a halfway point and some do not. If you fundamentally disagree with your girlfriend’s choice of entertainment you have to ask yourself whether you are willing to accept this pastime of hers or is it a deal breaker for you. If you think you can accept it, perhaps in time it will become less important to her but that is not a guarantee.   Otherwise allow her to be herself and perhaps you should look for a more compatible partner.

Dear Dr. Monique
My stay-at-home wife recently became friends with a stay-at-home dad (connected by our respective children). Initially, it was a play date here and there, but since the summer started, the frequency of play dates has increased and my wife has become friends with him and texts him often (very often). Should I ignore this?
Husband of Stay-at-Home Wife

Dear Husband of Stay-at-Home Wife,
I would say that this issue is very hard if not impossible to ignore. I believe that any husband or wife should be concerned if their spouse starts to spend a significant amount of time with someone else. Indeed, something that may be innocent at first may progress. I believe that you should discuss your concerns with your wife. Listen openly and lovingly to her side of the story. If issues need to be addressed between the two of you, take them seriously because the success of your marriage may depend on it.

Dear Dr. Monique
I’m a twice-divorced father in his late 40s. Meeting new people has never been easy for me, and now that I’m older it feels impossible. What should I do?
Twice-Divorced Father

Dear Twice-Divorced Father,
The obvious answer is to go out more but I will explain further. Initially you can start with playing a more active role in the lives of your child or children by increasing your participation in activities involving them (if you are not already doing so). As a bonus you may meet other single parents in the same situation and friendships may develop. You could also consider joining a club involved in an activity you enjoy. For example if you enjoy football, joining a group which plays football on weekends or evenings may be another avenue of meeting new people. Even if the group consists of only men, they may have wives or girlfriends who have the “perfect” woman for you to meet. Last but not least if you are a member of a church or other religious group, participate in a ministry that you find interesting. This will provide another opportunity for you to meet like-minded people.

Dear Dr. Monique
My husband talks to his mother on the phone, more than he talks to me. Should I be jealous?
Married to a Momma’s Boy

Dear Married to a Momma’s Boy,
I am assuming that your husband practiced this behavior during your dating relationship and it is not something that came up after you tied the knot. That being said I imagine that most women would be put off by his behavior. I suggest that you have a calm and empathetic conversation with him to
attempt to understand the reason he feels the need to maintain that level of relationship with his mother despite your presence. I believe that will improve your understanding of your husband and either allow you to be more understanding of the relationship or help you to address some of his needs which are being addressed by that relationship. Whatever you do though tread carefully!

Dear Dr. Monique,
When my boyfriend and I argue he confides in his female friend. Should I be intimidated?
Intimidated Girlfriend

Dear Intimidated Girlfriend,
I don’t think anyone wants their relationship laundry aired publicly. What’s worse is if it is discussed with someone whom you are afraid may be way too comforting. While you are on good terms, let your boyfriend know that you prefer to keep some matters private.  Also take the time to get to know his female friend better. That will help you to decide if you have a friend or a foe.

Dr. Monique, an award-winning graduate of Harvard Medical School, who completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington DC., has years of experience in counseling and discussing relationship issues. Ask her your questions at drmonique@sfltimes.com