heart-logo_web.pngDear Dr. Monique,

I am a woman and I want to know if it is ever a good thing to have sex on the first date?

Sex on the first date

Dear Sex on the first date,
Some of the factors you need to consider when having sex on the first date is what you want from the relationship or if you even want a relationship. If you only want an enjoyable sexual experience or a hookup, research shows that although women may enjoy sex during a hookup, they are more likely to enjoy the experience and have orgasms within the context of a relationship rather than with a hookup. Furthermore, men are less interested in pleasing a woman sexually within the context of a hookup versus a relationship.

If you hope to have a long-term relationship with your date, sex on the first date may certainly not increase the likelihood of the relationship and could affect his perception of your motivation to want a relationship with him. He may question if you want the relationship because you had sex versus a genuine interest in him. Although there are always exceptions, overall the research seems to suggest that the common advice is right; it is better to wait. However, if you do decide to have sex on the first date, be sure to take all necessary precautions.

Dear Dr. Monique,
I am in a heterosexual relationship and I have a girlfriend who likes to be physically abusive during sex. I have never encountered this sort of thing before. How do I deal with it?
Physical abuse during sex

Dear Physical abuse during sex,

Although your girlfriend’s interest may be unusual it is not necessarily considered abnormal and it basically depends on how it affects you. If you also find it enjoyable and it does not present a problem for you or your relationship you can continue with those practices.  However if you have expressed to her discomfort with her habits and she continues anyway, you may both want to consider counseling or perhaps you need to rethink the relationship.

Dear Dr. Monique,
My female partner is religious and does not believe in sex before marriage.  How do I, as a man, handle this situation, because I really like her .

Should I wait for her?

Dear Should I wait for her?,
If you truly value her and the relationship, you need to decide if you can continue it on her terms. If she feels pressured into sex before marriage it could have an adverse effect on your relationship.  If she happens to change her mind, try to confirm that it is for the right reasons before you proceed.  If it is a deal breaker for you perhaps you should consider finding a partner whose views are more consistent with yours.

Dr. Monique is an award-winning graduate of Harvard Medical School, who completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington DC. She has years of experience in counseling and discussing relationship issues. Ask her your questions at drmonique@sfltimes.com