Dear Dr. Monique,
Why is it that some grown men think they can be hip and run around with a bunch of females, spending all their little money? Then, they can’t help themselves later on, and want ‘good good’ people to put themselves with them?
Good good people

Dear Good good people,

Some of the dating and sexual behavior of both men and women are based on innate urges to reproduce.  For men this innate urge is to father as many children as possible with as many women as possible and naturally they will look for women who appear fertile based on some pre-set criteria. Clearly, men do not have to act based on their innate urges. There is also the male ego and a man’s desire to impress other men.  This may at least partly explain the behavior you described.  On the other hand, if these men develop health challenges for example, they may place a higher value on being nurtured and cared for and hence they may now seek women who they believe will do so.  The bottom line is that just because they want a woman to be their caretaker rather than their lover and partner does not mean that she has to oblige.  So if the ‘good good’ people believe that the man is not worthy of their time, my advice is simply don’t give it to them.


Dear Dr. Monique,
If a woman you’re interested in appears to be blowing ‘hot and cold’ should one intensify pursuit or ease off and see what happens?
Should I pursue?

Dear Should I pursue?,
The answer depends on how interested you are in this woman. If you are confident that you would like to get to know her better go ahead and pursue her.  Even long lasting relationships don’t necessarily start with equal interest of both parties. Her playing ‘hot and cold’ could even be a strategy on her part to assess your level of interest.  If your interest has cooled based on her actions take that as a sign that you are not that interested and leave her be so that you neither waste her time nor yours.

Dear Dr. Monique,
What would you do if a woman you’ve asked out on a spectator date — a play, or film, concert – turns up with a female friend. That friend pays her own way and sits on the other side of her at the event, but she accepts the ticket you have already purchased for her. Would you ask her out on a second date or is that too much of a red flag?
Is it a Red Flag

Dear Is it a Red Flag,
I too would find it strange if my date brought a date or chaperone along on our date.  However, she did not burden you with the cost of the friend and I see nothing wrong with her accepting the ticket you already purchased for her.  I think it is premature to consider it a red flag. 

If you are interested ask her out on another date and see how it goes.  If she does not repeat the behavior perhaps you can ask her about it when you feel comfortable doing so.  However if she does it again I would definitely take it as a red flag and recognize that proceeding with the relationship may be at your own peril.

Dr. Monique is an award-winning graduate of Harvard Medical School, who completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington D.C. She has years of experience in counseling and discussing relationship issues. Ask her your questions at drmonique@sfltimes.com