Dear Dr. Monique,
I have been with my man for two years. My family and friends know and love him as he is quite charming, respectful and good looking. The thing is, I am yet to meet his friends and family. I ask him about it all the time and he always has an excuse. I am starting to become suspicious. How should I deal with this?
Two Years and Waiting
Dear Two Years and Waiting,
I am also left to wonder whether your man really is your man only. You should ask yourself these two questions: Are you truly comfortable with continuing a relationship with a man who chooses not to fully share his life with you? How much more of your time do you think he deserves? If you are not comfortable it may be time for you to start thinking about your exit strategy.
Dear Dr. Monique,
I am a 30-year-old virgin man. I recently started dating a young woman who I really am attracted to but I am afraid to let her know that I have no experience in the sex department. What should I do as I don’t want to be embarrassed when that time comes?
30 Year-Old Virgin
Dear 30 Year-Old Virgin
They say honesty is the best policy but when it comes to relationships I would add two other considerations to the mix: Timing is everything, and what you don’t know won’t hurt you. There may be a time to let this young lady know that you are a virgin but the time does not have to be at the start of the relationship. See how the relationship develops. Unless she asks you point blank, the subject can be brought up after you have spent more time getting to know her.
This gives you a chance to decide whether you want to take the relationship to that level. In the meantime you can continue to educate yourself on techniques to please women via books and the Internet. If the relationship does progress to the level that you desire to be sexually intimate with her, I believe that if she truly cares for you she will be patient and understanding. If she walks away, consider yourself lucky because you dodged a bullet.
Dear Dr. Monique,
I am a woman in my 40s and I’ve been with my partner for 13 years. We do not have children together as he is not interested (he already has two from a previous relationship) and every time I bring up the topic of marriage he says “if something ain’t broken why fix it.” I really want to be a wife and mother and I love my man, how can I make him agree to give me what I most desire?
40 and Wanting More
Dear 40 and Wanting More,
The sad reality is that the relationship is perfect for your partner but not for you. Unfortunately if after 13 years he does not see it your way, it is highly unlikely that he will ever change. If you feel that your existing relationship is worth letting go of your desire to be a wife and mother, by all means stay, but let go of the idea of trying to make him change his mind. Otherwise, it is time to leave the relationship and try to find someone who shares your dreams.
Dear Dr. Monique,
My husband and I have been together for 15 years but I want to have sex more often than he does. What do I do?
Sexually Frustrated
Dear Sexually Frustrated,
Yes marriage is all about compromise. So basically the happy medium may still involve you having more sex than you have now but perhaps still a little less than you want, and your husband
having more sex than he had planned. That being said, marriage is also all about communication. Let your husband know your needs and hear him out. Talk about the factors that may jumpstart his sex drive and ways that you can entice him to have more sex. Also be open to experimenting with new positions, etc. with him. Hopefully you will both be happy with the outcome.
Dear Dr. Monique,
I love my wife very much and I am very much attracted to her even after ten years of marriage but I would like to experiment more in our sex lives, how do I bring up the embarrassing topic of adding sex toys to the mix?
Husband Wanting to Play
Dear Husband Wanting to Play,
Perhaps in yesteryear many topics were taboo. For better or for worse that is hardly the case nowadays. In your case you can use this to your advantage. Start by mentioning the topic to your wife in casual conversation without any personal references. This will allow you to obtain her general views on the topic. Later use this information to guide how to approach the topic for your relationship. Good Luck!
Dear Dr. Monique,
I am divorced with kids and I have been dating a wonderful guy for a few months but I have not yet introduced him to my kids. Is it too soon and how should I approach it because the guy is anxious to meet my children?
Cautious Mother
Dear Cautious Mother,
You have every right to be cautious when allowing a new guy into your kids’ lives. If you have not already done so spend enough time with him to get a good sense of who he is. Also take the time to meet his family and friends. When you are sufficiently confident that he is the kind of man you would want in your kids’ lives, arrange a meeting in a more casual setting — perhaps one with a few other familiar friends around — and introduce him as another friend. Be sure to observe how he interacts with your kids and vice versa. Hopefully it will be a good match!
Dr. Monique is an award-winning graduate of Harvard Medical School, who completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington DC. She has years of experience in counseling and discussing relationship issues. Ask her your questions at drmonique@sfltimes.com
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